There was a time where I succumb to kissing ass of the pack leader. That may be my own friend, or teacher, or professor, basically someone who's on top of the pyramid. In Indonesia, those who know the art of mengambil hati
is considered smart. It is the basic of survival. Most Indonesia parents have passed this down to their kids.
But what is it about kissing ass/brown noser? Whose ass are we kissing?
For my past cases, I did most of the stuff you can considered kissing ass
because of one reason. I didn't really want to do it, but in that specific moment I feel like it is the best choice I had. It is due mostly out of fear. Terror.
Some imaginary events (but can be real) that are unpleasant. Something that I don't want to happen to me.
Let's say, that I don't really agree on one person's behavior. But I will keep quiet. Yet, I even encourage the behavior by imitating them. I don't really like what I'm doing, but yet I'm doing it. I fear that if I don't do that, the leader won't like me, thus I'll be out of the group. Without protection, without warmth, without any social support. That would be bad.
I guess, this is animal kingdom at its core. As social animals, the pack leader got the final words. Once you're out, you're dying. However, are we not humans?
Are we not better than a pack of wolves?
Should we always follow the leader in the name of making our lives easier? Hidup susah kok dibikin tambah susah
. (Why make a hard life harder?)
I know this is a big jump, but let's play with this scenario. If you are a German living under Hitler's rule, and you can save Anne Frank's family from the camp by smuggling them out of the country, do you have the courage to do that? Or will you just shut your doors and do dinner as usual? Or even join in the crowd yelling "Dead to Jews"?
A big jump, nonetheless. Now put Munir to the equation. You know that his poison murder is unjust, yet I know some Indonesia people blame Munir's death on himself for messing up with Da Big Guys (TM). This will sound especially ridiculous especially for Westerners who are Christians; they really adore martyrs. Their whole history was based on the sacrifices of people, notably Jesus and His disciples, Joan the Arc, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., etc etc. Based on this, they give support and huge honors to the martyrs: Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Aung San Suu Kyi, etc etc. Yet we the Indonesians think of martyrs as bad guys. They are losers because they lose their lives, so to speak. Even if their sacrifices were for their people's own good. Indonesian society failed to bring justice to these martyrs. They haven't succeed to make heroes out of our fallen good people.
Too big of a jump too? Let's just stay with our inner circle here. If your boss/group leader saying something disgraceful to your coworker/friend, and you know that it is not right, what would you do? Would you risk losing your job? Or would you smile and even spice things up to make the boss/group leader happy? What is your purpose here? For the love of humanity and justice or covering your human ass by licking somebody's ass?
Oh btw, I think the boss/group leader may also appreciate good, honest, nice feedback that is not causing him/her to lose face. This may be a good post later on.
Back to the topic, so what to do? I am still struggling with fears. Sometimes I can control them, other times I fail and succumb to the art of butt-kissing.
However, I know very well that after I done that, I never fail to regret the acts.
Something inside me protested aloud. Something humanly, almost universal like. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone.
a0z0ra @ 1:46 AM  |