Nama:Ask me! a0z0ra[at]gmail.com
Suku: Tiong Hoa
Agama: Kristen Katolik
Ras: Mongol
Adat-Istiadat: ikut orang tua
Hobi: denger musik, baca macem2, nulis macem2, nongkrong bareng temen, mendalami iman Kristiani.
Harusnya: pulang Indo, nulis macem2, kerja wartawan budaya, bina keluarga sejahtera, ikutan nongkrong bareng Romo Sandyawan dkk, ikut2 politik buat angkat derajat orang Tiong Hoa dalam hukum.
Ternyata: terdampar di San Diego CA USA, hedon dan hedon dan hedon...
Jadinya: merenungi hidup segan mati tak hendak dengan nulis2 blog

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    Monday, May 21, 2007

    Love, love and more love 

    The way I see it, love is all we wanted.

    To accumulate wealth is to accumulate love.
    To accumulate friends is to accumulate love.
    To accumulate knowledge is to accumulate love.

    There's a universal promise from the world:
    If you're rich you'll get more love
    If you're popular you'll get more love
    If you're smart you'll get more love

    To buy a Mercedes Benz SLK, you hope that people will notice you, talk to you and thus develop further relationship with you.
    To be friendly towards people, being nice & funny, you hope that people will like you, accept you, and share their life-stories with you.
    To be smart and all-knowing, have a high-end degree from prestigious university, you hope that people will seek your advice and listen to you.

    From birth to death human has been aching for love. Being loved makes you feel important. Why is that so?

    What is love?

    Is it the amount of time people would sacrifice to listen to you?
    Is it the awe inspiring looks, compliments and public recognitions that fuel you?
    Or is it as simple as the amount of sexual pleasures that you will get?

    The way I see it, "Success" in popular terms means you can do anything you want, and people will still love you no matter what. That is the bottom line. I cannot twist or turn that natural drive from humans. It is there in every culture.

    -- can also be found in my new blog - Personal Development by a0z0ra

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 8:06 PM  |   0 comments

    Tuesday, May 15, 2007

    Who is Frank Beckwith? 

    I cannot -not- post this:

    Frank Beckwith - My Return to the Catholic Church

    Frank Beckwith was the president of Evangelical Theological Society, with his renew reconciliation with the Catholic Church, he resigned before the term ended this year (Nov 2007).

    For the sake of good-will, here is a post from Dr. James White, an evangelical, about the departure.

    Don't forget the Google almitey can also be used for your research in both sides, if you're interested.

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 6:22 PM  |   0 comments

    Tuesday, May 08, 2007

    We're not fooling anyone 

    I believe we all have auras
    especially when you are face to face with someone

    That's why I'm not comfortable talking in phone or chatting, sometimes
    I can't feel you
    I can't sense you
    I can't judge you (haha)

    The information that I get really is very little
    By phone, you can mask your face reaction
    By chat, you can even edit the text before you press enter

    There's a lot of censorships going on

    However, if you meet face to face, that's not the case
    Your whole existence will broadcast yourself
    Your thoughts, your upbringing, your problems, your sadness, your confusion
    Your eyes, your skins, your face, your movement, your body
    They aren't fooling anyone, that body of yours is too honest for you to be comfortable with

    The hardware react according to the software programmed
    The flesh react according to the soul inside

    "Don't judge a book by its cover" is totally true in some sense
    don't buy a book by its cover if you want a good read

    in some sense people aren't books
    they are living things, moving, breathing, talking
    it's the whole experience of being with them
    the auras, the smiles, the eyes, the sounds, the touch
    that is how we deal with them

    Why is this important?

    People move too fast, strangers bump into each other too often
    tolerance becomes the norm or chaos will form

    Sometimes you will sense people aren't really comfortable with you
    They want to shun you out of their lives and their friends

    Just tell yourself that you're ok with their feelings
    if it becomes too great, let them go and part with peace in your soul
    let God be the judge

    people don't have to adore you in all ways
    some will genuinely hate you because of reasons only Him knows
    let them be

    (you probably also genuinely hate some people because of reasons you probably don't know

    You aren't comfortable with someone, yet you tried to hide your feelings & be friendly out of tolerance
    however, I do believe that the other person can feel it
    they know no matter how hard you are trying to conceal it

    if you continued in the masquerade
    you will get very angry inside, your face will leave its mark
    the way you move, the way you divert your eyes, you are troubled

    maybe it's not love, maybe it's jealousy
    perhaps their existence threatened your quest of gaining love & respects from other people
    if that's the case, do struggle & work on it)

    In my case,
    I'm not a holy person by any mean
    Sometimes I shunned people out because I'm afraid I will hurt them
    I don't know what to do with them
    I know that I don't like them, because they threatened the love & respects
    that I can get before they come (aha! The Big Fat Jealousy)
    being with that people will only bring the bad side of me
    and I would give them a sense of rejection
    so I withdrawed myself

    Other times I shunned people out because I'm afraid I can't provide them with what they need
    Even now I'm still struggling to love Him & myself (dear God knows how hard it is to love oneself)
    how will I have time to provide love to them?
    So I take my time, I withdrawed myself from the crowd
    When the time comes, only when I'm ready I will be a blessing to people, not a curse

    may this sharing worth something
    do have peace, do pray more, forgive more, and don't forget to love yourself
    no matter how confused you are, please do have faith that you are loved for who you are by the Almighty
    He's all over you, the unique little droplet in the vastness of the Mighty Sea

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 3:06 PM  |   0 comments

    Tuesday, May 01, 2007


    I used to be a hypocrite,
    saying God's grace and throwing curse other time,
    gossiping about one's disgrace and do the same thing after that,
    knowing what is right but hell,
    I still do it because well,
    "everyone did it too!"

    well, I can't say that I'm not a hypocrite now,
    perhaps I still am, but a lesser hypocrite (I hope!)

    mistakes aren't forgotten easily
    stupid, moronic behaviors have consequences that will haunt forever
    those that only hurt me (thank God!)
    and those that hurt others (dear God!)

    So to become lesser evil, I practice the art of "punishment thoughts"
    if I did something sinful, I imagined myself being punished by the just God pretty soon
    and then, because of fear, my imagination manifested itself in the real world

    Sounds too odd?

    Here's the thing:
    The notion of a forgiving father won't do good for my obedience training
    because then I'll let myself go too easily, and I don't like it
    who, in all truths, really likes to recite His words and do the opposites later on?

    This method of a just God, for some reason, works perfectly for me
    I know that I'll get real bad consequences later on if I do something hypocritical

    Because sometimes, just sometimes, heaven is a little too far from earth for people to be obedient to the Words
    it is so easy to ignore the heavenly consequences
    who, in all truths, really thinks everyday that s/he will die tomorrow?

    ... Ok, before it gets too far I'll stop here
    Hopefully this sharing will worth something

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 6:41 PM  |   0 comments

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