I told him that I still woke up like very early in the morning since that 3am incident, and I didn't know why.
"Dont think about me too much," he said, jokingly suggesting that perhaps he is the reason.
"Whaa.. Whaat," I'm surprised. "I dont think about you... "
We laughed. But it's more of a nervous laugh for me. The 3am incidents dont have anything to do with him, I suppose. His statement is where the problem lies. In my imagination I feel like he knows I like him. It shows. Damn it I maybe have showed him a bit too much.
Suddenly I remember a lengthy conversation which happened in my house not so long ago. The girls shared their past actions on what they did to their possible mates in order to keep them interested. One of them suggest that we need to keep the boy in the edge, not immediately give them answer. A bit of playing hard-to-get. The flirting game! The mind bending! The anxiety! Are you strong enough to get me? How far are you willing to go? Said the female to her possible-mate.
The mate-selection & seduction skills are a complete mystery to me. I dont have much experience in this area. Yea, I read several books, observe behaviors, take notes when friends are flirting.. That's all in theory. In reality, I hate myself that I can be read like an open book. I cant stop or disguise myself from showing how I truly felt. The knowledge is there but it is useless.
I dont like to play games. I dont like flirting. I dont like guessing whether this potential partner really has interest in me or he has something else in mind. I want everything to be clear immediately. Kinda impatient perhaps? I can only pray that He gives me all things that I need. Right at that time suddenly I feel like being true to myself aka let hell be hell. I may as well broke the rules, here goes.
So I said to him "Stop teasing me!" Thus begin the Big Talk (TM).
a0z0ra @ 11:18 PM  |