Nama:Ask me! a0z0ra[at]gmail.com
Suku: Tiong Hoa
Agama: Kristen Katolik
Ras: Mongol
Adat-Istiadat: ikut orang tua
Hobi: denger musik, baca macem2, nulis macem2, nongkrong bareng temen, mendalami iman Kristiani.
Harusnya: pulang Indo, nulis macem2, kerja wartawan budaya, bina keluarga sejahtera, ikutan nongkrong bareng Romo Sandyawan dkk, ikut2 politik buat angkat derajat orang Tiong Hoa dalam hukum.
Ternyata: terdampar di San Diego CA USA, hedon dan hedon dan hedon...
Jadinya: merenungi hidup segan mati tak hendak dengan nulis2 blog

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    Wednesday, November 30, 2005

    The Corinthian Love 

    Exercise: for each italic characteristic, do Google define on it.


    Love is patient,
    love is kind.
    It is not jealous,
    (love) is not pompous,
    it is not inflated,
    it is not rude,
    it does not seek its own interests,
    it is not quick-tempered,
    it does not brood over injury,
    it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

    It bears all things,
    believes all things,
    hopes all things,
    endures all things.

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 10:49 AM  |   0 comments

    Tuesday, November 29, 2005

    Holiday report 

    Prolog: Thanksgiving is great.

    Three of us - Fee Li Sonny & Me - went to Park Mall to watch Harry Goblet & Pot of Fire. It was good until it got stale in the middle then good again in the end. Recommended AAA---

    Then we went to Pat's place for dinner; me & Fee Li. I made cheesecake the day before. Dinner was AWESOME: the food, the wine, the people.. At least I think there were 14 people there. Fee Li had such a good time. I enjoyed the honey-baked hams so much I discarded my manner to ask for some leftovers hams for tomorrow's breakfast. Believe me the hams were soo good it's evil.

    This year's Black Friday is da BEST for me. We went to Circuit City at 4:30 and managed to pick up the Flash Drive for $14.99++ after MIR. Then we went to Sears, line up for $10 gift cards (which they gave to first 200 customers). We got em! Fee Li bought a pair of gloves, I bought a Reebok & ski gloves. Then we went to theLimited, Bath&BodyWorks, JCPenney etc etc.. At Guess Fee Li found some watches. She bought MANY since it was such a GREAT deal @ $20.

    Then at night 3 of us (including Nyoman) went to Park Place to shop some more. I got HEAVY deals at Loft. Fee Li proceed to buy more Guess watches. Then 4 of us (including Sonny) ate at Applebees, rent "the Perfect Guy" & watch until 2am at Sonny's place. The movie? Pfft. CCCC----

    Saturday was so-so. I went to Jon's house to meet with Carol. We discussed this ISF web project. It's going to be cool I tell ya. Then in the afternoon I went to Borders to read some self-help junk then went to Sushi Ten with Carol, Mark, Louanne & Feng Yi. I shared Makunouchi with Louanne! We almost finished it :( Dang.. next time perhaps if stomach is emptier. My 1st time dining experience with Sporeans: they talk a bit fast it's kinda hard to follow. But after like half hour I kinda get used to it.

    Sunday was okay, only I slept nearly 10 Freakin hours. I went to church earlier like 11:15 then went back home, ate lunch then go sleep some more. At 7 I dropped Nyoman at the church, went to Borders catchin up with Pat, then pick her up for dinner at Ms.Saigon with Vonny. We ordered a big Tom Yum and it was yummy.

    Thus my Thxgivin 2005 report is ended. Conclusions:
    1) Honey Baked Ham is a must for thxgivin dinner
    2) This BlackFriday shoppin has the HEAVIEST damage during my whole shoppin experience in my life, ever
    3) Sporeans talk a bit fast

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 9:44 AM  |   0 comments

    Wednesday, November 23, 2005

    Indonesia Anonymus 


    Some excerpts:
    We know we all are not thieves and we know that although we see fruits outside a store in a Jakarta street sitting unattended, we will not steal them. No we won't. Not in a million years. But here's what's interesting : We also know that they WILL be stolen. In fact, we are almost 100% sure that they will get stolen, and we will be very very surprise if at the end of the day they didn't. That would be really strange and 'not normal'.
    So even if we don't steal, we still think it is normal.
    And guess what. If they are stolen, instead of blaming the thief, we would blame the store for being an idiot. "What do you expect if you leave your merchandise unattended. Of course someone will snatch them.. That's just stupid."

    Well my friend, no it is not stupid. What's stupid is thinking that it is normal that if you leave stuff unattended, someone will steal it.
    Folks, theft is not normal and it should not be.

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 9:12 AM  |   0 comments

    Tuesday, November 22, 2005

    5uddenly 5ingle v.1 

    a0z0ra - Blue Sky Blog not-so-proudly present a new series: 5uddenly 5ingle. Part-fiction part-reallife stories on my uptodate awkward attempts on meeting new people & get out of my comfort zones. Please take a seat and be a happy lurker.

    He has these very honest eyes that u can almost read his minds immediately. By the look of it I can tell he's kinda exhausted for he's doing all the talking.

    Guess my mood was still stay on the downside. Geez, when I thought it was over it's actually not really over. Poor him :( He said he was going to take a tylenol.. lol

    "U need more confidence to speak up" He said.

    He encourage me to speak Indonesian if I am more comfortable doing that. Then I said I am actually okay with speaking English, but I dont know how to open up and follow through a conversation. He's very nice. I'm very anxious whether I drained his positive energy too much.

    Then as we sat down in silence a Maroon5 song playing in the background. Suddenly I feel like sharing my interest in music so I told him about me & bunch of friends gone to Maroon5 concert in Vegas last winter. I feel lighten up a bit after that.

    It's almost 9:30 and the restaurant was about to close, so we parted ways.

    PS: U wonder Why would a girl have a blog? This is a media to express myself. I am a human dying to express myself. Some girls doing it in fashion, another in sports, another by socializing. Me? I write.

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 8:56 AM  |   0 comments

    Monday, November 21, 2005

    Me duele tanto, Me duele tanto 

    I thought I covered all things I wanted for my future husband:
    1) Social guy
    2) Good with money (no gambling etc)
    3) Religious

    And how can I forget this simple little thing:
    Can deal well with me & my depressions, that I'm uniquely powered by strange combination of sadness & anxiety, that I'm struggling to counterpoint this tendency with positive outlooks.

    Because I remember this is a BIG DEAL to me. I dont wanna be scolded for something that cannot be change. I am old already, I am honest about this thing ok?

    U think that kind of guy might exist? I know a warrior that said no. Guess I have to start thinking of becoming a nun.

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 10:20 PM  |   0 comments

    Perspektif Online - Sudut Pandang Orang Biasa 

    Lolz.. Wimar Witoelar Online.


    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 8:46 AM  |   0 comments

    Friday, November 18, 2005

    More leaders & organizers pl0x 

    Have you ever thought how to get more people doing social activities?

    I think if most people are given the opportunities to do good, they will do it happily. The problem is most people are too lazy to go out there and search for opportunities. They want a fast track, they want to get invited rather than invite themselves. But rest asure, when they think that this is for a worthy cause they will happily give their contributions.

    Then what we need is more leaders & organizers. More people that are willing to search for opportunities and invite others to join in the cause.

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 11:59 AM  |   0 comments

    Monday, November 14, 2005

    The inner battle and I'm losing.. bad 

    Why is it that recently everyday I always challenged by new thoughts
    that only brings me down?

    It's as if my devil has regained his strength once more
    so he decided to terrorize me some more

    it's not the outer circumstances that kill me slowly
    it's the poison within me, deterioting me from inside

    Now should I shout "Somebody save me?" like that Smallvile theme?
    I cant shout, my voice wont come out
    the only thing that can come out are these words for you to read

    - For I can only share my despair in the melody of ticking and clicking

    Why is it that everyone looks so confident in their inner battle
    while I'm struggling a lot?
    Am I not strong enough? Why is it that I'm losing this battle?
    And the worst thing is that I cannot stop the voices
    Because if I reevaluate those voices they seems to make hella sense

    Am I not strong enough? Why is it that I'm losing this battle?
    are those knowledge I've been gathering not enough?
    Why is it that the devil still can sneak way past through?

    Time is running out, I'm being left behind

    - Seems like God wants to play RollerCoaster with me

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 10:29 PM  |   0 comments

    He hit me rock bottom so I can be humble 

    Trust in the Lord, my heart
    Agree with Him if He punished you for your mistakes

    Be honest, my soul
    Don't be afraid of human judgement, dont judge others nevertheless
    Watch for your steps & words
    For they may easily hurt

    Please, I said to Him, please
    In all Your mercy give me more clues as how to live life honestly and not being a hypocrite
    I beg You! For I have fall short

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 8:07 AM  |   0 comments

    Saturday, November 12, 2005

    O Lord, here is my shameless prayer from the bottom of my heart 

    O Lord, if you are against me then who am I to stand before You
    The devil in me said that I am hated
    I dont deserve to be loved
    I dont deserve attentions
    That I merely just a human waiting for death to come

    How hard I fight, O Lord, the devil that You let him tempt me
    from all the hard times that I cant hide from You

    I conquered it sometimes, but many times I failed
    When I failed O Lord, do not abandon me, I cried in my despair
    Do not abandon me
    Do not abandon me! My LORD! King of King!

    Many hard times have come and gone, My LORD! I know that You are faithful to me
    I have said that I believe in You, the Father, The Almighty,
    Maker of Heaven & Earth

    Do not abandon me! For I never felt so alone

    You have said that all things will be made beautiful in Your time
    You have said that I have the necessary power to overcome this
    Help me believe in You more! My Lord! For I am a mere human

    You know my struggles, I cant hide it from You
    You know the name of my Devil, My LORD!
    When he tortured me and I'm in pain
    please give me strength
    please give me understanding

    So that I can keep smiling to the world before I died
    For You gave mercy to me that I may live and bear witness

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 11:43 PM  |   0 comments

    Friday, November 11, 2005

    Self Esteem Issues 

    Some new research at Northeastern University showed that people who think well of themselves regardless of how others feel about them tend to be perceived by others as condescending and hostile. Given this new information, a different approach to creating self-esteem seems in order:

    Giving honest and accurate feedback to our children, our spouses, and our employees. It's relatively easy to compliment and praise people. It makes them feel good, and it makes us feel good to make them feel good. It's more difficult to find something you genuinely appreciate and to say it without the slightest bit of puffery, but it just might do more good.

    We can also help people do better. Of course! If someone is getting along well with her peers and she's succeeding at something - trumpet, hobby, schoolwork, job, athletics - it will improve her self-esteem. So find a way to help her accomplish something.

    Read more:
    This Is A War - HEALTH

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 1:01 PM  |   0 comments

    Tuesday, November 08, 2005

    Boom! Bang! and All That Jazz 

    I don't know where did the courage come from
    What I remember is when I said it, I feel like dreaming a good but very3x sad dream

    Then He gave me literally a BANG! after I did it
    Consequences of my sin or a sign from the Devil that the war is on?
    Bah only Him knows. What I can do is doing what I can do best (& stop procrastinating)

    And then I hear another BOOM!
    Leh, so far I can take it
    But I looked up in the sky and start wondering why He thought I can get through this
    Guess I dont have a choice but believe in Him, do I?

    Am I Evil? Guess only Him knows.
    People can judge me whatever they want yet I shouldn't be afraid of them
    Because I don't really know myself
    I trust HIM to make the ultimate judgement

    This I know:
    Aside from all that
    I can hear a soft jazz playing in the background
    I can feel the peace inside my heart
    Knowing full well that I can finally make that wise decision for both of us
    in which I've always been afraid to do it

    I don't wanna live in fear anymore
    Little by little I'll get through the awkwardness
    and start living life consciously and taking chances

    Mistakes will be made, hell yea there will be plenty of them
    Guess what, I wont be afraid of making mistakes
    I believe in myself that I'm capable of thinking things throughly before I act
    and if that still fails, I will look Him up in the sky and give Him the "Why" look
    after that if there's a lesson I gotta learn, then I'll learn

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 9:19 AM  |   0 comments

    Monday, November 07, 2005

    Learn to love my shell 

    For as long as I remember, I have always resent my face & body. Like thousands of girls out there I always feel inadequate in this area, and this sure as hell a hard-blow to my self-esteem. We have learn throughout our life that part of woman's worth have something to do with her external appearance. Thus having less beauty than those ideals in magazine equals to have less power & love. Oh u evil Media! *shake fist angrily

    Currently my mind obsessed of this "soul" thingy. Remember: Every being has the same soul entity?

    Try to look at it this way. Reduce every human being to a silhouette. Then try to imagine a dim light inside that silhouette. That's the soul. The same one that every newborn baby has.

    This insight gives the whole new meaning to this bible passage. If all life have the same worth, so if we are going to die and give accountability to Him what matters most is how we use our talents. Talents in this case also includes appearance & good genes. Remember that God is just.

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 10:30 AM  |   0 comments

    Moving out (& in again) 

    Thx to all my friends that help us moving last week: Siska, Maryani, Fee Lee, Iben, Arif, Dodo, Sandi, Marten, Teddy. We really appreciate all your energy, tools, back pains etc. Ask for a free massage from one of my roommates :D

    By 1-2 weeks Da Club House(TM) will b ready to open again. Dede will have some good food soon, Lina will start ordering people around put things into orders, Adres will provide the entertainment. Me? Well I'll be whatever *shrugs.

    PS: Happy Bday to Novi & p1k4blu. Best years forward. Stay safe.

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 7:14 AM  |   0 comments

    Friday, November 04, 2005

    About Disagreement 

    If some people have different views, that's ok
    I'll greet them with smiles as always
    Afterall we're survivors, trying to make sense of this thing called life

    I promise you I wont discount your value based on stereotypes & first judgement
    on whether you are pretty or not
    whether you are smart or not
    or if you are hardworking or not
    I'll overthink it again and again and again
    I will always try to remember that unlike God human make mistakes
    and sometimes human cannot choose their circumstances

    Beneath all the complicated things in the world
    I believe:
    Every being has the same soul entity
    The soul that longs for love, happiness & respects

    If you try to discount this value
    by hurting other people
    by looking down on people & their choices
    by minimizing people's feeling
    by creating unnecessary trouble for others
    then your way is not in line with mine
    I will passionately disagree with you

    With all my due respect for your uniqueness,
    and because I feel I have to do something about it,
    I have to react against this with any God's given power (if any)

    When we meet on the crossroads,
    let's fight the battle fair & square
    I promise to myself I wont rob your right to have a worthy opponent

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 8:50 AM  |   0 comments

    Tuesday, November 01, 2005

    Jocks & Averages 

    If u don't have exceptionally pretty face or figure, and u r a girl & a teenager, u know what that means: separation from the popular clique and being labelled average. No matter what accomplishment u achieve u'r value is still below those who are gifted by being born with great DNA structure. AS a teenager this is a circumstance that u cant choose. U have to keep that experience for the rest of your life.

    I once like this guy in middle school (my high school is an all-girl school *sob) because he's funny. He's not cute, DEFINITELY not smart, he's just an average. Being a damn image-conscious that he was, he only wanted to have a popular girlfriend. He told me to be "gaul" - in other words - to b in da clique. I feel depressed that he told me so. I tried & tried to fit in, but u know it's just so hard if u have a mindset like me. He finally gave in waiting and hooked up with my cute friend. Thus there goes my stupid monkey love.

    Now having a bit grown up, I looked back into those years with a smirk in my face. Those jocks & averages now have the same opportunities to compete. Now it's all about the skills; brain, creativity, communication, discipline & courage. By theory I can look them up in the same level but there is a lil teen spirit in me that still regards some of them as jocks & unapproachable creatures. The teen in me jump up with joy everytime those "jocks" greet me. A bit stupid eh? (Yes, there is a bit of me too that resent those jocks because they once ignored me & made my teen life a living hell. A tiny bit though.)

    Permalink - a0z0ra @ 11:01 AM  |   0 comments

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