Even though I never remember my dreams, I planted in my consciousness that I dreamt heavily of my one-sided lover.
What I remember about him is that he was a freaking bad boy, he pissed off countless people. Every1 in my groups talked bad of him, made jokes of his mistakes & bad behaviors. Yea, there r some friends that like him for what he is, but err.. the ratio isn't looking good for him though, I'd say it's 10:1. Even my parents talked me out to forget about him.
The last time I saw him, it was in 2002 and I kinda remember I was so excited to finally meet him. The first impression was good, my experience with him was okay-bordering-to-unforgettable. Then as time goes by, I started to realize how far is my image of him with the harsh reality. He is just like that, he never change & I don't think he wanted to change his bad behavior. He still pissed every1 off, all people just keep nagging about him. For some reasons the last week being with him made me cannot wait to go back to Tucson.
But I am a fierce lover, once I made up my mind it usually stays on for a very long time. I cannot just forget him in a snap although he has sickened me so many times. Just to let u know, he is famous for his racist sentiments & I am one of his racial jokes back there.
And still I am considering to go meet with him once again, although I didn't think he ever wanted me to. In the back of my mind somehow I got this feeling that he NEEDS me. Bleh, nothing could be farther than the truth. He will ignore me. He will hate me. He will hunt me down & kill me slowly, painfully until I am out of self-defense mechanism. That is just how cruel he is.
But I am a fierce lover. I keep telling myself that when I think it's a right thing to do, then just do it. And the right thing to do is to keep continuing my oh-so-grand imaginations about how I will contribute to his well-being.
Wait.. Dammit.. I think I forgot something. What's that? O yeah, I am a freaking SHY person. How will he notice me if I'm not gonna tell him? Now I can't just yell to him and say "I love u" can I?
Like what? Like, SMS him: "Hi Indonesia, luv 4eva XOXO" ????
a0z0ra @ 5:02 PM  |